How to write a letter of wishes

A letter of wishes is a document which is kept with your will. It’s usually used to:

• give guidance to your executors and/or trustees who will handle your estate

• give guidance to guardians of your children or pets

• explain the context around decisions you’ve made in your will – for example, why you have disinherited someone

Inheritance laws differ across the UK, but you can write a letter of wishes whether you live in England, Wales, Scotland or Northern Ireland.

A letter of wishes is not legally binding

Unlike a will, a letter of wishes is not legally binding. Your executors and trustees should take your wishes into account, but they have the flexibility to make adjustments based on the circumstances at the time. 

A letter of wishes is not a public document

Unlike a will, a letter of wishes remains confidential after you’ve died. It is meant for your executors/trustees and will only be shared if they think it’s necessary. For example they may share it with a disappointed beneficiary to explain why they have been excluded from a will.

You do not need a solicitor to write a letter of wishes

You can write a letter of wishes yourself at any time. You do not need to visit a solicitor or pay a solicitor to write the letter for you.

Everyone’s letter of wishes will be different, because everyone will have different reasons for writing one. These are some of the reasons you may want to write a letter and some of the information you may like to include. Remember – your wishes are not legally binding.

Sharing detailed wishes for your funeral

You should include basic wishes for your funeral in your will, for example whether you would like a traditional or direct cremation or would like to be buried. While wishes are not legally binding, sharing them can help those closest to you to make decisions at what can be a stressful time. 

If you have more detailed wishes, it’s better to include those in a letter of wishes. For example:

• music you would like to be played at your funeral

• how you would like to be remembered

• where you would like your ashes to be scattered

• If you would like people to make a donation to your favourite charity instead of sending flowers

Guidance for guardians

If you’ve named guardians in your will, you may want to leave guidance to help them make decisions in the future. For example, you may focus on your children’s education, healthcare, religion or ethical beliefs. If you have pets, you may want to share their likes and dislikes and how they should be cared for.

Information about distributing personal belongings

If you choose to leave your residuary estate to your spouse or partner, you can use a letter of wishes to ask them to distribute small gifts on your behalf. This is a simple, flexible way to distribute smaller belongings. It means you can:

• add new items, for example a new piece of jewellery, which you might get after you’ve written your will

• remove items, for example your car, which you might sell at some point after writing your will

To distribute items like this in your letter of wishes, you should include your spouse or partner’s name, and give details of the items or amount of the gift, and who you would like to receive it.

Explaining why you have excluded or disinherited someone from your will

You may wish to exclude someone from your will. In England and Wales you have the freedom to distribute your estate as you wish. However certain categories of people may choose to challenge your will on the basis that you have not provided them with reasonable financial provision (under the legislation: Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependants) Act 1975).

The categories of people who have the right to challenge your will after you died, if they feel they have been excluded from your will unfairly are:

• your spouse or civil partner – even if you’d separated, as long as they had not remarried or entered into another civil partnership

• your unmarried partner, or a partner you had not registered a civil partnership with, if you were living together for 2 or more years

• your child, regardless of the child’s age

• any person who, in relation to your marriage or civil partnership was treated a child of the family – most commonly a step child

• any person who relied on you financially, either wholly or partly

People in these categories also have the right to make a claim against the estate if the person who died did not leave a will (called dying ‘intestate’).

Writing a letter of wishes can help prevent a challenge, or provide evidence if a challenge is made. In your letter you should acknowledge the person you’ve excluded, and explain the reasons for your decision clearly. Keep in mind that this letter is a private document but will be seen by your executors/trustees. If your will is formally challenged by a disappointed beneficiary, it is likely that your executors/trustees will decide to share the letter of wishes with the disappointed beneficiary.  

Explaining why you have divided your estate in this way

In some situations, you may wish to either:

• leave different amounts of money for your children

• share your estate between your children and another person or organisation – for example, a charity

In your letter of wishes you can explain why you have made this decision. For example, you have helped one child financially with purchasing a property and would like to treat the children fairly by leaving the second child that same sum of money in your will. 

There is no set format for a letter of wishes. You can type it on a computer and print it out, or hand write it. If you would like to, you could address your letter to your executors or trustees. 

As the letter may be used to help understand why you’ve made certain decisions, it’s good to be as clear as possible and include as much context as you think is relevant. Make sure that anything you do write doesn’t contradict the instructions you’ve left in your will.

One way to get started is to write a draft first. It can help you to organise your thoughts and make sure that you’re including all the relevant details. 

Once you’ve written your letter of wishes, make sure you sign and date your printed copy.

People usually write a letter of wishes when they write their will. However unlike a will, one of the benefits of the letter is that you can change your wishes and rewrite it at any time. You do not need the support of a will specialist or to pay for a new will if you change your wishes. If you do decide to update your letter, remember to destroy the previous one. It’s also important to review your will and make sure that your new wishes do not contradict it.

You should store your letter of wishes with your will. Ideally choose somewhere safe, like a locked drawer or cabinet. You should also let your executors know where you’ve stored these documents and how they can access them.

As the letter is not a public document, do not staple it to your will. If your executors need to apply for probate, they will need to send your will to the probate registry. If the letter is stapled to your will and subsequently removed, it may look like the will has been tampered with, which could cause delays in getting the grant of probate.

A letter of wishes is not a public document. It is confidential and unless your executors or trustees decide there is good cause to share it, your beneficiaries are not automatically entitled to see the document.

This means that you can – and should be – honest about your feelings. It’s your chance to have your say about why you’ve made certain decisions in your will. The more context you can give your executors and trustees, the easier it will be for them to carry out your wishes with confidence.  But do remember that your executors/trustees may choose to share the letter of wishes with somebody, such as a disappointed beneficiary.